Pick me! Pick me!

There you are in a crowded auditorium among a few friends and many strangers. The speaker makes a familiar invitation from the stage “can I get a volunteer?” your hand instinctively goes up. As you scan the audience you notice surprisingly few hands are raised. Perhaps it is because this was an adult audience, I guess the “pick me, pick me” mentality could be a bit childish. Or could it be that they all know something about this speaker that you don’t. He seems to be a descent guy, but can you really trust him? Is this his plan to embarrass you or make yuo look foolish? Your mind is battling back and forth, yes, no, maybe. You suddenly realize that he is calling on you. You clumsily stand to your feet and shuffle past those seated in your row. It seems like forever until you reach the isle. You can feel the hundreds of eyes watching as you move down to the front. Thankfully the speaker continues to address the audience taking the focus off of you. As you approach the stage you are motioned to wait to the side. You wait a minute and then two. What is this, did you volunteer to come to the front and stand for the whole event? As this guy goes on and on will the opportunity ever come for you to do your thing and get back to your seat? Why wasn’t there some explanation of this commitment before asking for volunteers? Doubt and regret fill your mind as you stand there waiting and wondering, what have I gotten myself into?

I volunteered, on Tuesday, July 31.

I’ve found myself in an unusual point in life. I have been looking for something for at least a year now. What it is I am looking for is still unclear. I think it began when I was asked the question “what sin are you struggling with”? I couldn’t give an answer at that moment but the question stayed with me. What sin do I struggle with? My answer came to me weeks later, at first it may appear to be arrogant or proud but on the contrary I believe it to be very humbling.

Rev 3:16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

My greatest sin is not what I’ve done, but what I haven’t done.

The focus of this statement should not be on the first half, but on the second. Of course I have sin. I sin daily, I’m sure. I’ve been in the church all my life and I don’t drink, smoke, or swear. I don’t have a temper and remain patient in most circumstances. So I must be a “good” Christian, right? What have I done? What am I doing? What is my personal mission? Who is my mission field? How has my life contributed to the salvation of others? As mentioned, I have struggled with this reality for quite sometime now.

I’ve cried out to God for help to turn this corner in my life. I’ve waited for God to give me direction. Just a glimpse of what He has in store for me. I’ve continued to read and pray, but I keep longing for a life changing touch of the Holy Spirit. Jacob’s life was a dysfunctional mess most of his life and yet he wrestled with God and was blessed. Moses spent 40 years tending sheep and yet God called him to free Israel from bondage. Peter was known for sticking his foot in his mouth and yet he preached to the masses at Pentecost with thousands coming to Christ.

I raised my hand (metaphorically speaking) and said that whatever You have for me, I will do. Tuesday night it was as if God looked me in the eye and called me by name. I don’t know how long it will take for me to stumble through the crowd or how long I’ll be waiting at the side for direction. But this I know, God has a plan for my life. He will be with me. Even though I get impatient, God is still willing to work through this forty year-old, uninspired, unworthy, and undeserving servant. Lord willing I will serve Him with all my heart.