Why me?

Do you ever feel frustrated by your situation? My wife and I have experienced several difficult ordeals that would qualify as real faith-shakers. I can’t say we ever blamed God, but we have been frustrated as to why, why, why. Why can’t anything seem to go right?

Our son Tyler lived only eight months, all of which was in the hospital. Tyler was premature, weighing only one pound, nine ounces. We were there every day, holding him, feeding him, changing his diapers and caring for him, as any parent should. Tyler didn’t struggle with one main disability, he fought many. At the time of his death, he was blind, deaf, had a tracheotomy, a shunt, brain hemorrhages, rickets, four rectal prolapses, and possibly cerebral palsy and retardation. I remember one of the doctors at Riley’s Children Hospital, telling us that they have seen all of this before, but never all in the same child. Doctors were good at giving us statistics. If ninety-seven percent were one way, Tyler was always in the other three percent. Why?

Our son had lots of love, not only from us, but the nurses loved him too. Tyler had plenty of prayer, not just from us, but also from the whole community. Sometimes as time passes, we can look back with greater understanding, we see how God was working. I’m not bitter, but I still don’t see it. Other times yes, just not this time.

Suppose and big black bear wandered from it’s home in the forest into a crowded resort. The bear had not had contact with humans before and was disturbed by the yelling, screaming and general chaos. In no time, he was surrounded, the men closed in on the bear and he became unnerved and riled up, so one of the men shot him with a single dart. Soon the bear was taking a nap. Several hours later the bear woke up back in the woods. He was safe and had no interest in returning to the resort. The experience was traumatic, “they only wanted to scare me and hurt me,” the bear thought.

Is it possible that we view God in a similar way? We can’t see the bigger picture, and we may never understand it. Sometimes God needs to corner us, or even stick us with a dart for our own protection or good. Not because we were wrong, but because he wants something better for us. Job wasn’t angry with God because he lost everything, He was angry because he had no answers as to why. When God did finally respond to Job, it wasn’t a cozy conversation about why He allowed those afflictions into his life, but rather, God began to mock him “Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand (Job 38:4).

My faith isn’t able to tell me bad things wont happen. Bad things happen everyday. Maybe not to us, but everyday someones son or daughter, mom or dad, will die. Faith is trusting that whatever the outcome, no matter the cost, God is still God, He knows what He is doing, whether or not we understand, He still loves us.